Well, night 1, really.

Know now that you ain’t getting any sort of in-depth, profound reviews out of me this weekend. I didn’t get home until 1:30 am last night, so I’m tired. Deja made a flying leap into a bowl of pancake batter and sent it plus a mug of coffee all over the kitchen this morning, so I’m undernourished. And it’s only going to get worse because tonight I start drinking. You want informed commentary read Stephanie Zacharek on Salon.com, she’s very very good at this. But I’m on vacation, so piss off, the lot of you.

Excellent film. Modest, quiet, well-made, exceptionally well-acted, moving and affecting. If you like “Lost in Translation” you will enjoy this film very much. For personal reasons (which no doubt Ferrari will pick up on immediately when he sees it) this was a difficult movie for me to watch, and indeed, there were some moments that I literally had to avert my eyes from the screen, they shook me so badly. Steve Martin gives his subtlest performance ever in the film he adapted from his own novella. I found his character very attractive and sympathetic, either because of the character or who he reminds me of, or most likely, the combination of the two. I don’t think many others will agree with me on this, but as I said earlier — this film cut far too deep for me to approach it with much objectivity.

Anand Tucker (director), Claire Danes and Jason Schwartzman were present for the screening. It amused me to realize that the reason I enjoyed Schwartzman so much in “I Heart Huckabees” is because that wasn’t a character, that’s Jason. He even dresses like that, except the hair’s even more annoying in person.

Claire Danes is a gifted actress with a strkingly handsome face you can’t take your eyes off of, lovely legs and a great voice. Now if only she’d eat; her dress last night was backless and I’ve seen steel span bridges with less prominent ribs. She’s also apparently completely flat chested. You have to understand, her appearance was really that striking. She looks better in person than on screen and her blonde hair suits much better than the brunette she sports in the film, which was shot two years ago.

Anand directs his actors well, although I get a very strong impression that most of the three exceptional lead performances were the actors’ creations and had little to do with direction. His cinematography choices bothered me some, especially the gimmicky, almost cartoonish, long shots of Martin’s private plane descending on Seattle and the starscapes. When Tucker mentioned during the Q&A that he was a huge Douglas Sirk fan, I wasn’t the least bit surprised. It shows. Like pantylines.

“Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang” made me laugh harder than I’ve laughed in years. Literally. We’ve waited years for a new Shane Black script, and that fact that he directed this one under the aegis of the divine Joel Silver, makes the film well worth the wait. It’s Downey Jr.’s and Kilmer’s best work in a very long time, and while it’s true that Downey dominates, don’t believe any of the reviews that say he steals the film from Kilmer. He doesn’t. A few snippets from the Q&A:

Black was excited (and obviously nervous, and I know it was nerves because he hadn’t started mainlining Red Bull yet; judging by this morning’s aviator shades it was quite a victory party last night) to bring the film to Austin. As he said “I’m happy to bring something to the festival besides drinking in the goddam Driskell Bar.”

Downey’s casting was a fluke. He was dating one of Silver’s producers at the time and so was hanging around the office a lot. They called him in to read some lines one day just to hear how they flowed and “…it was like I was typing the words directly into his mouth.” Mel Gibson called Silver and personally vouched for Downey, as an actor and as a person, as being totally clean and sober and ready to work again. I hope this film lights a fire under Downey’s career, he’s far surpassed the potential he showed in “Less Than Zero.” He also sings the song playing under the end credits.

Michelle Monaghan is superbe as well. I think she is going to be what every expected Amanda Peete to be, but couldn’t quite reach because she’s too quirky and goofy. Monaghan is smoother, has more style and confidence.

There were some parts of the moving that had Black’s trademark “EEEEwwwwww” factor, and the audience was groaning and eeeeewwwwing while they giggled. I didn’t groan or eeeewww, I laughed my ass off, the dog scene is a fucking sidesplitter. At least I thought so.

I found out that I have something in common with Black — both loners through schooled who read books at the same rate that we breathed oxygen. His tale about how he’d play stand-up comedy albums and laughed reminded me of how I wore out my sister’s copy of Robin Williams’ “Reality, What a Concept” (yes, I got all the jokes, I think it’s say that innocence is the one childhood malady I was immune to).

It’s on platform release, which means five cities tonight, ten next week, and more screens as the film succeeds. Warner Brothers didn’t know what to make of this flick and they’re making a big fucking mistake, Black turned in a masterpiece on a $15 million budget. So go see it, all of you, you uncultured moderately illiterate wankers.